"I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, …"
"Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?"
"I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."
"Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, …"
"Wait! What are you all doing?"
"We're committing suicide."
"Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."
"One, two, …"
"Wait! What are you doing?"
"We're committing suicide."
"Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."
"One, two, …"
"Wait! What are you doing?"
"We're committing suicide."
"I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!"
"Then I think I'll hic join you."
"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.