Tankety Tank

This skit requires little preparation and no props and has only two speaking parts. It can use a cast of hundreds, and it is full of blood, gore, and dead bodies. That makes it perfect for Cub Scouts and campfires.

Preparation The Wizard and the lone Scout need to rehearse their lines, and everybody should practice a few times. The practice is as much fun as the skit. Encourage all participants to ham it up. The Wizard should wear a long bathrobe.

The Skit A lone Scout rushes onto the stage and screams that the enemy is coming. He has no weapons to fight with! What should he do? "I know. I'll have to ask the Wizard. It's my only chance to save humanity from the terrible enemy." The Wizard enters the stage, and the Scout rushes to him begging for help. The Wizard tells him not to panic and hands him a secret invisible sword. The Wizard explains the sword and tells him to say, "Stabety Stab!" when he uses it. The Wizard assures the Scout that this magic sword will protect him. The Wizard retires to a quiet corner of the stage. The Scout is delighted. He waves the sword around and tells everybody about it. He boasts about what he will do with it. He moves to one end of the stage. Several enemy soldiers sneak onto the other side of the stage, saying, "There he is" and "Let's get him." The Scout panics as they approach worries aloud about what to do and finally remembers to use the magic sword. Yelling "Stabety Stab!" over and over, he kills all of the enemies in a mighty battle. He is very proud of himself and boasts of his ability. More enemy soldiers begin to enter. The Scout starts forward, yelling "Stabety Stab!" but the enemy keeps on coming. The Scout rushes back to the Wizard for more help. The Wizard gives him an invisible gun, telling him to yell, "Bangety Bang!" Again the Scout boasts about his weapon, goes into battle, and kills all the enemy. Again he boasts that he can defeat any enemy with the Wizard's magic weapons. The situation is repeated, and the Scout tries "Bangety Bang!" and "Stabety Stab!" without success. This time the Wizard gives him a magic laser, for which the Scout yells, "Zapety Zap!" Again he kills all the enemy and boasts. The Wizard quietly disappears. A single enemy soldier enters the stage. He is the biggest Scout in camp. He creeps slowly forward, as our Scout boasts about how easily he can defeat the enemy. The enemy soldier ignores the "Stabety Stab!", "Bangety Bang!", and "Zapety Zap!", as the Scout tries them several times. The Scout looks desperately for the Wizard. The enemy moves faster across the stage. As he knocks the Scout down and runs over him, he yells, "Tankety Tank! Tankety Tank!" Tenting Scene: Two Cubs in a pup tent. Cub 1: Tie up the flap. It's cold outside! Cub 2: Oh, go to sleep and you won't feel the cold. Cub 1: Oh please close the flap. It's so cold outside! Cub 2: Jumps up, pulls down the flap, jumps back into a sleeping bag). Now, there. Is it warmer outside? A Talking Martian! Requires a lot of imagination or some props to show that these guys are horses and a Martian. Cast: 2 Horses, Martian, perhaps some costumes Setting: Race Track If necessary, explain that these are two horses and a Martian. #1: You know, I had a bad day on the track today. My rider must have eaten a lot last night because he was a lot heavier than usual, so my back got really tired and I almost tripped. #2: I've had similar problems. My rider hits me in the side so much with his feet that I can't run because it hurts so much. #1: Say, did you hear that the ugly mare is going to be entered into the grooming contest? The mane on that thing just doesn't compare to either of ours. #2: You're right. Things in the racing world just don't seem to be fair to us horses. Martian: You know, I could help you two out with your problems. #1 & 2: Look! A talking Martian!


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