Scout Jokes

This post is just to liven things up some. Here some jokes I found all over the web I hope you enjoy.

The Scoutmaster and his Tenderfoot son went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the Tenderfoot said, "Dad, look up into the sky and tell me what you see". 

His Scoutmaster father responded, "I see millions and millions of stars". 

Tenderfoot Son: "And what does that tell you?" 

Scoutmaster Dad: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, son?" 

Tenderfoot Son: "It tells me you forgot to pack the tent again"

Desert Survival

A Scout Master was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the desert. 

"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.

Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. 

"Yes, Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. 

Timmy replied, "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"

"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." 

"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master. 

"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" 

First: Hey, look way off over there. What's that?
Second: Wow, smoke signals!
First: What do they say?
Second: Help ... my ... blankets ... on ... fire!

The Hamster and Frog 

A down and out, grungy man walks into a swanky restaurant desperately needing a meal. He asks the waiter if he can have a free meal and the waiter says, 'Absolutley not! This is an upscale establishment and I'm going to have to ask you to leave.' 

The man says, 'If I can show you something amazing that you've never seen before will you give me a meal?' 

The waiter replies, 'OK, only if it is truly amazing and not crude.' 

The man pulls a hamster out of his pocket. It jumps off the table, runs across the room to the piano and begins playing songs. And, it is really good! 

The waiter is amazed and brings a hot meal to the man while the hamster plays. 

When the man finishes, he is still hungry and asks the waiter for a free dessert and coffee. 

The waiter says, 'No, sorry, unless you have money or another miracle, that's all you get.' 

The man says, 'OK!' and pulls a frog out of his pocket and sets it on the table. The frog begins singing the song that the hamster is playing on the piano! 

A man at another table rushes over and offers $200 for the singing frog. The man makes the trade and the fellow runs out of the restaurant with the frog to get him on the Tonight Show. 

The waiter says, 'Are you crazy? That singing frog is worth millions, not just $200.' 

The man replies, 'Not so. The hamster is also a ventriloquist. Now, bring that chocolate torte and coffee, please.'

What Do You Call a Scout...

What do you call a scout that is...

Being towed behind a boat: Skip

Hiding in a hole: Phil

Sleeping on your porch: Matt

Hanging on your living room wall: Art

Sleeping in your mail box each month: Bill

Camping on the beach: Sandy

Flying over the fence: Homer

Hiding in a pile of leafs: Russell

Floating in the lake: Bob

Sitting with a car on his head: Jack

Sitting in the sun too long: Wilt

Falling in the campfire: Frank

Stuck in the latrine: John

Throwing up: Ralph

Rock climbing: Cliff

Struck by lightning: Rod

Shaving for the first time: Nick

Getting pushed underwater by another scout: Duncan

Coming home from camp: Dusty

Locked in a bank vault: Rich

Q: What do you call an Eagle Scout with a crew cut?

Scoutmaster: "Tenderfoot, how did you get that black eye?"

Tender Foot: "Sir, I was hit by a guided muscle with a knucklear warhead!"

Scoutmaster: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.

Tender Foot: But I want to learn to swim